How to Wake Up a Different Person – 5 Things I’ve Learned About Myself
Every night before I went to sleep, I used to write down this phrase:
“I want to wake up a different person.”
And I meant it. Sometimes I meant it literally, as in I wanted to wake up as George Clooney or Bill Gates. Other times I meant it imaginatively, as in I wanted to wake up as Howard Roark from Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead or… Batman. Regardless of who I wanted to wake up as, it was clear who I did not want to be when I woke up: myself.
Honestly, my intention, when I wrote this down, was to try to become a “better” person. At the time (about 4 years ago) I was trying to excel in my particular philosophy (which I’ve now come to see as just another philosophy in itself), but also, I wanted to be a better person in the general sense of the meaning. If I could go back, I would’ve told myself, “Hey, you need to be more productive, you need to write more, you need to read more, you need to make goals and try to meet them…” and on and on.
But that, I’m afraid, is impossible and I kept on writing down that phrase and I realized something. I did wake up a different person almost everyday. It was gradual, but I’ve turned into someone different and I realize it wasn’t what I intended the first time I wrote that phrase down. Recently, I’ve met someone who has revealed some very troubling things that I’ve ignored about myself. These characteristics are basically what I have “become” in the past 4 to 5 years and while they aren’t very good, it’s good that I now know them and realize they aren’t good and can work to become better. I can become a different person, or maybe the person I’m supposed to be.
1. I Don’t Learn From My Mistakes
I hated admitting this one. I don’t believe I haven’t learned anything, but I realized that all the mistakes I’ve made haven’t really had any consequences. If you don’t suffer the consequences of a mistake, you don’t learn how to avoid it or what to do next time you make a the same mistake. I believe this has left me stagnant.
2. I am Bitter About My Past Beliefs
I was raised in a very conservative home based on the Christian philosophy. We were a Baptist family that believed drinking, cussing and sex before marriage was wrong. Now that I’ve changed, I feel as though I do have a good knowledge of Christianity and why I believe it’s no longer true, but I also have a bitterness towards it that makes me realize I have an agenda against it. I want to replace that bitter agenda with a passion to find the truth.
3. I Lack the Ability to Be Vulnerable
It’s difficult for me to be serious. When it comes to really telling someone how I feel, I usually make a joke or avoid the conversation all together. I’m just too afraid to be too open because I may just get hurt or look stupid. I want to be able to let people know how I feel so they can know who I really am and maybe I can even know who I really am.
4. I am Unable to Admit My Faults
Whatever. I’m doing it right now. Well, I used to think I was good at this, but I realize that there are many things I’ve refused to admit I was doing wrong. I want to be able to admit my faults so I can progress and become the person I need to be.
5. I Complain Too Much
Which causes me to avoid action. I complain about my job instead of working on my blogs or web sites. I layout the horrible circumstances of my life instead of taking action and making them better. I want to shift my focus on the bad to a willingness to take action and make my life better.
Now that I know these fundamental changes that have happened in my life, and the fact that they didn’t change me the way I wanted, I can now work on how to actually become a different person… the person I want to be. I hope this has helped you and I hope you can be honest with yourself about what you’re doing wrong and how you can change.
If you’d like, please comment and let me know the problems you’re having and maybe we can all help each other…
